I will not be quiet. There’s a little girl inside of me, Hair the color of sunlight and eyes holding secrets of the moon And she sits in the back of the class And she holds the answers in her head but never upon her tongue And it is because of her; I will not […]
At thirteen years old, I dreamed of the day that I could go to college, because I wanted the freedom of having no one there to watch me eat. I figured that I would no longer have to suffer the pain of purging if I could simply restrict to the point of no return. So […]
It’s no secret that I’ve spent a good chunk of my life battling an eating disorder. In fact, mental health advocacy and writing have become the thing that I’m most well known for nowadays.
Last night, I woke up in a cold sweat. My bedroom window was still encased in onyx, the clouds rolling ruthlessly over a moon that offered no ounce of illumination. I had kicked all of the covers off of my bed, mistaking them for hands that were not gentle. My hair was stuck to […]
It’s national post-traumatic stress disorder awareness day. While I’m usually very vocal about my struggles with mental illnesses, including anorexia, anxiety, and depression, PTSD is the one that I’m pretty silent on. I thought today, on the day that was named for this very reason, would be the right day to shed just a little […]
So many times over the past year, I’ve sort of taken a step back and looked at my life. And when I do, I think to myself, “Wow, I’ve really let myself go.” I’m so glad that I did.
I was viciously inhaling toilet water through a feeding tube when I realized, hey, maybe this whole “recovery thing” is going to be a lot harder than I thought. Let me backtrack. I had been in quasi-recovery many a time before. I did most of my work entirely outpatient, bouncing from therapist to therapist, being […]
I am eighteen years old. For nearly a decade now, I have been dealing with disordered thoughts around eating; eventually they manifested into a full blown eating disorder (which you can read a little bit more about here). I have been in and out of therapy, in and out of life, for years, and finally, […]
Kisses to the girl lying bloodied in the trenches; Cabernet dripping from her tear ducts in distasteful rosy plumes.
When my father was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia, an incurable terminal illness, this past October, my entire life was ripped apart at the seams.